On A Mission To Get Married

(I am working as a missionary in California for 18 months. Mormon missionaries have a very strict code of conduct, especially when it comes to dealings with the opposite sex. As a woman, not only are we not allowed to be alone in a house with a man, but we can’t so much as hug someone of the opposite gender. I am working with a very pretty girl of Filipina descent. I’m a short, dumpy redhead. She and I met a man a few days before this, and he asked us to come talk to him at his apartment at a later date. We show up to find him, a friend and his mother waiting.)

Man: *gesturing to my tall, Filipina friend* “Mama, this is the woman I told you about from a few days ago.”

(The mother glares at us.)

Man: “The one I’m going to marry!”

Companion: “Um…excuse me?”

(She and I look at each other in alarm. The man misinterprets this and looks over at his friend, who is a guy.)

Man: *to me* “Don’t be sad. My friend here can marry you!”

Me: “Let’s reschedule. I think this is a bad time.”

(We sent the male missionaries over there a few days later. Needless to say, they weren’t interested, but that was the first and only time I’ve had a consolation-prize proposal!)