Older Generations Can Be Such A Drag

, , , , , , | Related | June 1, 2018

(I am attending a family dinner at my grandmother’s house for her birthday. My nephew is trying to keep himself entertained by talking with everyone. At the moment he’s talking with my estranged great aunt.)

Great Aunt: “So, [Nephew], do you know what your daddy does? Your mummy won’t tell me.”

Nephew: “He’s a drag queen!”

Great Aunt: “WHAT?! [Sister], is this true?!”

Sister: *who has been talking to my grandmother* “What? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

Great Aunt: “That your husband, [Husband], your husband, is a drag queen?

Sister: “No, he’s a drag racer on the weekends. He’s an accountant during the week. [Nephew] probably got them mixed up. He likes watching the lip syncs on that drag race show.”

(My great aunt looks beside herself in horror. I decide to add to it.)

Me: “It’s a shame. Having a drag queen in the family would be great.”

Grandmother: *looking at [Husband] in the kitchen* “He’s got the legs for it.”

Sister: “Oh, I know! Those legs are like steel. But he’s clumsy as f***. He trips up on air!”

(The rest of us laugh while [Great Aunt] grows redder in the face. An hour later she gets up to leave. She doesn’t say goodbye or anything.)

Me: “What’s her problem?”

Grandmother: “She’s always been a b****. When [Great Uncle] was discharged after being outed, she cut him out of all her family pictures. I decided to return the favour, but mailed her all the cut outs with her eyes stabbed out.”

(This is how I learned how my great aunt came to be estranged. While my family is crazy, it’s nice to know most of them have good morals. I also learned my nephew’s favourite drag queen was Peppermint, who is also my favourite.)

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