Okay, Maybe TV Makes SOME People Stupid

I am in rural Indiana (where I do not live) for a family reunion. There are many people there and not enough groceries, so I end up being the one to pick up a few gallons of milk at a local convenience store. As I am checking out, an older woman comes up to me and starts to make small talk. Normally, this would bother me, but I decide to be polite. The very awkward conversation goes as follows.

Customer: “I’m sorry, hun, but could you try a different accent?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Ooh! Maybe you could do a Southern accent. Those are very charming.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “Well, I find the New Jersey accent you seem to be doing to be very off-putting. It’s aggressive, and honestly, not a very good impression.”

Me: *Very tired and slightly offended* “Not a good impression? What the heck are you talking about?”

She’s obviously very religious, so I don’t want to push her over the edge by saying, “h***.”

Customer: *Very condescendingly* “Well, of course, I know that New Jersey accents were made up by TV to make things more dramatic and such, but that still wasn’t very convincing! It was far too strong. Now, why don’t you try something else?”

I was very confused, so I just paid for the milk without responding — the cashier was barely able to keep from laughing — and walked back to my car, which had a very obvious New Jersey license plate, talking to myself in my 100% real New Jersey accent, and trying to figure out what she meant by “made up by TV”.