Oh, She’s THAT Kind Of Lawyer

When I worked in retail, we had this lady who was incredibly annoying. She would be picking up meds for herself, her husband, or her daughter — who was eighteen and on [ADHD medication] — and she would always give us the biggest attitude when we asked for the full date of birth associated with the patient.

Customer: “It’s a HIPAA violation! What if someone hears it? I’m a lawyer, you know.”

Cool, except her daughter had the same name, month, and day of birth, and the same drug but different doses as another patient. We had to confirm the year so there wouldn’t be a mix-up, but she threw a fit every single time.

Sometimes the daughter would come in and pick up her or her mom’s or dad’s meds. [Daughter] was a sweetheart, which was surprising given how much of a monster her mom was. She was a no-fuss patient, gave us the information we needed, and was on her way.

One day, [Customer] and [Daughter] came in together. I asked for the daughter’s full date of birth, which in turn caused [Customer] to rampage into her “I’m a lawyer” speech. However, today, for some reason, her daughter snapped.

Daughter: “MOM, STOP TELLING EVERYONE YOU’RE A LAWYER! YOU HAVE A LIBERAL ARTS DEGREE! YOU CAN’T ARGUE YOUR WAY OUT OF A PAPER BAG! MY DATE OF BIRTH IS [FULL DATE OF BIRTH] AND I DON’T CARE WHO HEARS IT!”

My entire pharmacy team stopped what they were doing in stunned silence. [Daughter] stormed off, and [Customer] was basically speechless for the entire transaction. She snatched the drugs from me and walked out.

I still think about this four years later and it gives me so much joy.