Oh My Godawful Boss

(Note: I worked the closing shift at my store the previous night and didn’t get out of there until 12:30 am. I’m scheduled for the next day off, but I’m woken up by my phone ringing.)

Me: *extremely groggy* “H-hello?”

Manager: “[My name]! Why aren’t you here?!”

Me: “Huh?”

Manager: “It’s already 6:30! You were supposed to be here at 6 o’clock!”

Me: “…It’s my day off.”

Manager: “Oh my God! Are you high? You sound like you’ve been doing drugs!”

Me: “No, I was ‘sleep.”

Manager: “Oh my God! You’re supposed to be HERE, right NOW!”

Me: “I’m s’posed t’be off t’day.”

Manager: “NO! I have you on at SIX-OH-F***ING-CLOCK! Get your fat a** down here!”

Me: “Check the sched—”

Manager: “Oh my God! I was the one who wrote the schedule! I think I know what it says!”

Me: “Could you just please look?”

Manager: “Oh my God!”

(Her voice gets fainter and fainter as she walks away from the phone, but I can still hear her cursing me out.)

Manager: “Well, how about that? You ARE off today!”

Me: “Told y’so.”

Manager: “Well, I need you to come in anyway. [Coworker who called out yesterday] called out again this morning. Can you be here in 20 minutes?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Oh my God! What do you mean, no?”

Me: “I’m at my mom’s house in [city two hours south of the store].”

Manager: “Oh my God! What are you doing there?!”

Me: “Her yard work.”

Manager: “FIIIIIINE. Can you be here in 30 minutes?”

Me: “I can’t come in today. I told my mom I’d clean her yard.”

Manager: “Oh my God! You have to be the most selfish, inconsiderate person in this whole store!”

(She hangs up. I heard her accuse three of my other coworkers of being “the most selfish, inconsiderate person in the whole store” as well over the next month, but she never made that same accusation against the one who called in sick–who, as it turned out, called in sick every weekend for the whole month.)