Oh Maiden Unfair

(My two-year-old daughter, my husband, and I are all together at a Renaissance festival. We are all in costume. A guy in a pirate outfit approaches me the second my husband steps away to look at something.)

Random Pirate Guy: “Hello there, fair lady. I just wanted to give you this trinket and compliment you on your exceptional beauty.”

(He kisses my hand, and slips a pipe-cleaner rose ring on my finger.)

Random Pirate Guy: “Would such a fair maiden consent to possibly meeting me later today?”

Me: “Um, that’s nice of you, but I’ll decline thanks.”

(The pirate guy suddenly gets very offended, and I can tell he’s about to make a scene.)

Random Pirate Guy: “Oh? Um, is there some reason you don’t want to talk to me?”

Me: “I can give you three: One…”

(I point to the stroller in front of me with my daughter in it.)

Me: “Two…”

(I point to my wedding ring, directly next to the rose ring he just gave me.)

Me: “…and three.”

(I wave to my husband, who is now sprinting towards us holding a brand new long sword.)

Husband: “Look, sweetie! I got a new sword!”

(I don’t see the guy again for the rest of the day, and I have to explain to my husband why I am laughing so hard.)