Oh, Jeez, I’m Like A Crackpot Magnet!

Apparently, I have been engaged twice and didn’t even know it. One incident involves an ex-boyfriend. A coworker and I are play-arguing and my ex comes up, wraps an arm around me, and tells my coworker, “Hey! Be nice to my fiancé!” The coworker sees my eyes bug out. After my shift:

Me: “Um, [Ex], you do know that we’re not engaged, right?”

Ex: “Yeah, well, you know, you never know.”

Me: “Um, no. No, I know that we’re not engaged. I don’t love you.”

Ex: “Wow, that’s kind of harsh!”

Me: “That’s why we started dating last week! To see if it would change into love!”

The other time is shortly after my ex and I break up. A regular customer comes through my line.

Me: “Wow, you must like this store! You’re in here almost every other day!”

Customer: “Yeah, well… You know.” *Grins* “Your last name is [Last Name].”

Me: “Um… yeah.”

Customer: “You went to [High School].”

Me: “Uh-huh…”

Customer: “You graduated in 2006.”

Me: “You’re a stalker.”

Customer: “No! We went to high school together!”

I looked it up afterward and saw that yes, we went to school together. He asked me out and for my phone number, and I decided I would put first impressions aside.

However, within ten minutes of texting, he told me we were going to have lilies as our wedding flower and started making wedding plans. I, of course, freaked out and told him I wasn’t ready to date anyone yet. He ended with, “But you’re the one!”

Why do I always get the crazy ones?!