Oh, I Just Can’t Wait To Be Over This Shift

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2019

(We have been playing “The Lion King” for the past couple of weeks in a couple of our theaters. They are only for children and their parents/guardians. We have had quite a few strange encounters during this time.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer #1: “Can I get one ticket for The Lion King, please?”

Me: “Just one?”

Customer #1: “For my son.”

(The son looks about five years old.)

Me: “He does need to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.”

Customer #1: “There will be other parents in there who can look after him.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t allow that to happen. They are complete strangers to both you and him.”

Customer #1: *nonchalant* “Fine. I guess I’ll watch it with him. Where’s the bar? I need a mojito.”

Me: “We don’t have a bar.”

Customer #1: “THEN HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET DRUNK?!”

(Another customer:)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Customer #2: “I’d like to book an entire theatre, please, for The Lion King.”

Me: “Oh, okay. The next empty screening is 5:00 pm. We normally charge at the adult rate, with 10% discount because you’re buying en masse. That should be… £446.40.”

Customer #2: “For one ticket? That’s outrageous!

Me: “No, that’s for the whole theatre.”

Customer #2: “But I only want one ticket. My son has social anxiety and can’t sit with anyone.”

Me: “But booking an entire theatre means paying for every seat.”

Customer #2: “But you have to give me special treatment. My son has a mental illness!”

Me: “I’m afraid that doesn’t affect how we operate. I know my manager wouldn’t authorise booking an entire theatre for the price of one ticket. It would be a significant loss in revenue.”

Customer #2: “Then what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “He could watch it on DVD?”

Customer #2: “That won’t be very special. He hasn’t seen it in twenty years!”

Me: “Twenty? The viewings are for children only.”

Customer #2: “THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS! HOW DARE YOU TREAT MY R******D SON LIKE THIS?!”

(Another customer:)

Customer #3: “Is this a new Lion King movie?”

Me: “No, this is a rescreening for the original movie. It’s for children.”

Customer #3: “Why would children be interested? They wouldn’t have been born.”

Me: “Well, the owners feel these films are important, because they are part of what is called the ‘Disney Renaissance.’ Films like this may never be created again, or capture the true magic of that age.”

Customer #3: *laughing* “Oh, my. You women really are stupid. No one is going to be interested in watching a crappy old film!”

(He then stood around for twenty minutes, laughing at anyone who bought a ticket for “The Lion King.” We had to call the police. Another customer… This woman comes up to the counter wearing a lion headpiece, that looks a lot like the one worn by Luna Lovegood in one of the Harry Potter movies.)

Customer #4:The Lion King, please.”

Me: “How many tickets?”

Customer #4: “Just one. It’s just me.”

Me: “Oh, I’m afraid these screenings are only for children and their parents or guardians.”

Customer #4: *looking absolutely devastated and tearing up* “Oh, no. That’s so sad. It’s my favourite movie.”

Me: “I am sorry. Maybe you could watch it on DVD or Bluray. I assume you have it?”

Customer #4: “Oh, I have several!”

Me: “Well, there you go.”

Customer #4: “I can’t take them out of the packaging, though. That would ruin them!” *sighs* “I guess I’ll just have to torrent it.”

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