Oh, Crystal Meth

(I’m checking out another patron’s books. Suddenly, a customer screams and points at me, in the process elbowing another patron out of the way.)

Library Patron: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP OFF THE STOVE?!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m helping someone right now….”

Library Patron: “You let it get all FATTY on the top!”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

(The library patron begins to cry.)

Me: “Why are you crying?”

Library Patron: “I don’t know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and s***!”

Me: “…”