Off-Color Off-Camera Remark

(The bookshop I work in is located in quite a busy city station. People are usually rushing and forget stuff all the time, so we get phone calls almost daily regarding forgotten bags, wallets, and purchases.)

Me: “Good morning, [Company].”

Customer: Ah, hello, yes. I was in your shop last night and I left my wallet behind on the counter.”

Me: “Oh, sure, and were you in the book department or the news?”

Customer: “Newspapers.”

Me: “Sure thing. Hang on there and let me just check with the girls.”

(I phone across to News, and after a couple of enquiries, no wallet is forthcoming. I get back on to the customer.)

Me: “Hi, sorry, the girls say there’s no sign of any wallet left behind the counter or in the safe or anything. It was definitely in News, was it?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, definitely.”

Me: “Okay, hang on again. It may’ve been brought across to our office for safe-keeping. Let me just double-check.”

(I phone inside to the cash office with my enquiries, to no avail, and get back on to the customer.)

Me: “Okay, no one can seem to find your wallet, but listen: the girls who worked the close last night aren’t in yet today, so if I can just get your phone number and description, I’ll have our security guard check the CCTV from last night and see if we can’t track it down.”

(I get the customer’s description, colour of clothing, time of transaction. She even describes her daughter’s details to me so I can pick them out in the busy milling shop-floor, and I promise to call her right back as soon as I find anything. The security guard and I head inside and after a few seconds searching, find the customers fitting the description, at the correct time. We watch the transaction. No wallet was left behind. I get back on the phone.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from [Company]. Is that [Customer]? Yes, hi. Well, the security guard and I just had a quick peep through the CCTV from last night and you didn’t actually leave your wallet behind in our shop.”

Customer: “I did.”

Me: *nonplussed* “Eh… you didn’t, though.”

(I describe the scene I just watched, down to the bright green well-known grocery bag carried by her and another carried by her daughter.)

Customer: *still eerily calm and unconcerned* “I left my wallet on your counter.”

(At this point, my supervisor is hovering nearby, watching my incredulous expression intently.)

Me: “You paid for your purchases and put your wallet back in your bag. It’s quite clear on the camera.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t care what’s on the camera.”

(I hold the phone away from my ear and stare at it like it’s an alien, before covering the receiver and turning to my supervisor.)

Me: “She says she doesn’t care what’s on the camera. I have no idea what to do with that.”

(My supervisor now takes the phone from me, lest my head actually explode. I wander off, shaking my not-yet-exploded head. To this day I’ve never understood quite what happened there.)