Of Pitbulls, Cigarettes, And Credit Checks

(I’m a property manager working an open house for one of our small rentals. I’m just packing up when this woman, smoking a cigarette, comes through the front door.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but we don’t allow smoking inside our residences.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** not?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, aside from the smell, which is darn near impossible to get out, the nicotine adheres to the paint, making it very hard on our maintenance crews when you move out.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine!” *flicks her cigarette out front door* “This is $950 a month, right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, so with approved credit, you’re looking at $2,000 to move in, a $1,000 security deposit, $950 first month’s rent, and a $50 application fee.”

Customer: “Background check?! This is America! Ain’t nobody gettin’ my social!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, without an application, there’s really nothing I can do. We have to know what your credentials are before we can sign a lease.”

Customer: “I’ve been renting a four-bedroom, two-bath for $1,600 a month for the last six years, but my a**hole landlord just told us we need to move because he doesn’t like my daughter’s pit bull. If I can afford $1,600 a month, I can easily pay $950 for this s***hole!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, our leasing requirements don’t allow pit bulls in any of our units, so this house won’t be a good fit for you, either, I’m afraid. But best of luck in your search!”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** not?! There’s nothing wrong with pit bulls! You just don’t want to rent to me because I’m black! You racist f***! I’m going to report you and you’ll get fired!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am.” *I’ve gotten her to the front door at this point* “First off, I’m a licensed realtor, and can’t approve or deny you based on race. Second, you’ve stated that you refuse to do our application, and third, you’ve admitted that you have an animal I can’t approve.” *closes front door and locks it* “I suggest you look on Craigslist for a private owner that might be willing to accept your animal, but our company policy is to follow the restricted breeds list. Have a great day!”

(I got in my company car, while she stood in the driveway and screamed all kinds of things at me. She followed me back to my office and proceeded to tell my broker how I’d told her we couldn’t rent to her because she was black, that we were all racists, and that she was going to report us to the state and get us “shut down for good.” That is, until my boss’ wife walked in. She’s a taller WOC who gave her back everything she gave and then some. Cigarette lady RAN out of our office, and no, we haven’t received any complaints from the state.)