This Is Obviously Not Her Calling

(I am a customer of a large cellular company. I discover that none of the phones on my account are working. I use my landline to call tech support. After a fairly long wait, the tech gets on the phone and verifies all my account details. This includes my address and current location.)

Me: “Before I realized it was all the phones on my account, I restarted the phone. That didn’t help, so I took out the battery, waited 60 seconds, replaced it, and powered up. Still nothing. None of the phones can make or receive calls or texts, and we cannot access any data.”

Tech #1: “I’m going to ask you to power off your phone and restart it.”

Me: “I told you. I did that.”

Tech #1: “Ma’am, I’m trying to help you, but you need to follow my instructions.”

Me: “Fine.” *powering off phone* “Are you telling me that powering off and on my phone will fix all the phones on my account?”

Tech #1: “Yes, ma’am.”

Me: “It’s started back up.”

Tech #1: “Which phone are you calling about?”

Me: “As I said before, every phone on the account has the same problem, but the one currently in my hand is [number].”

Tech #1: “Okay, I need you to call this number to be sure your phone is now working. Please dial [number].”

Me: “From the phone that isn’t working? Okay, I told it to call, but it’s stuck on this endless loop. It just say, ‘dialing.’”

Tech #1: “You need to call that number.”

Me: “I can’t. It says, ‘dialing,’ for about 30 seconds, then it says, ‘call failed.’”

Tech #1: “I’m going to have to send you to level two support. Please wait. I will enter all your details so you don’t have to repeat anything. Please do not repeat anything, because I am entering everything. While I’m doing that, I see you are eligible for an upgrade. Would you like to order a new phone?”

Me: “A new phone when none of mine currently have service? I don’t think so.”

Tech #1: “Please hold. I’m transferring now.”

(After a long wait on hold, I get a new tech. They have NONE of my information, and I have to repeat everything, account details, what went on with the first tech, etc.)

Tech #2: “Ma’am, I am so sorry. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. She wasted a ton of your time. We’re having a serious network outage. Your entire area is without service. Since it’s a huge area, I’m going to guess it will be fixed quickly, but we have no estimated time. I am really sorry.”

Me: “So, I restarted my phone and tried to make phone calls for what reason?”

Tech #2: “I have no idea. As soon as she saw your address, she should have been aware that the entire state is without service. It should have been the first thing she said.”

(I ended the call. Several hours later, service was restored. My elderly mother got repeated calls and texts from the first tech who clearly did not note which number I was calling from. One of them was a request to rate her service. I did.)