Now 5G Is Alien Death Rays

Years ago, I’m working in the computer department of my store, organizing the modem and router aisle because it’s messy.

A customer walks up to me, wearing a suit. He looks pretty concerned.

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I just returned my Wi-Fi.”

Me: “Can I see the receipt?”

This is so I can figure out what sort of Wi-Fi he means. It’s a Linksys router.

Me: “I’m sorry that this router didn’t work out for you.”

Customer: *Heaves a great sigh* “Actually, it did work out for me, really well, but my wife is afraid of aliens.”

There is something about that line that intrigues me, so I have to ask him what he means.

Customer: “I bought the Wi-Fi so that I could communicate with extra-terrestrial beings. But my wife was uncomfortable with me talking to them so much, even though she put foil on the walls to keep herself safe from the cancer rays.”

Me: “I… see?”

Customer: “I wanted to talk to you about a device I’ve read about called ethernet. I want to use that to talk to my alien friends. I can do it without giving my wife cancer.”

Me: “I… I would recommend calling [ISP]?”

To this day, I am not sure if he was joking with me or if I was getting terribly trolled, but either way, I’m sorry, [ISP] call center worker who had to speak to him! My crazy quota was filled that day!