Nothing Turns People On Like Assumptions And Generalizations

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Content

I am a woman with a very high sex drive, to the point that I’ve been suspected of being a nymphomaniac. I’ve learned to handle it rather well, which contradicts it being an actual addiction, but many winters ago, I was a teenager.

I had several friends with benefits who came and went depending on when they were in relationships. I tried relationships myself, but with some of them, the guys didn’t feel like they could keep up; I think it hurt their manliness or something. The ones I liked best just said no and were honest about not keeping up, saying I wanted it too much and that I’d need to chill a bit — and not in a way where it seemed judgy or anything.

At that time, people held very strongly to the idea that men wanted sex, that they would always be up for it, and that women set the limit with their sex drives. People talked about it in a more idealistic sense, noting that it could differ and that it did not necessarily have to do with gender, but that was how they acted and how we were taught to interact.

One night, I was at a party. I had slept with a few people there. This was not uncommon, and these people were pretty chill about such things. That is when this guy I didn’t know struck up a conversation about friends with benefits.

Guy: “I’m just saying, girls being friends with benefits with people are just fooling themselves. While they wait for the guy to fall in love, he is just thinking of her as one of the women he can fool around with! Guys don’t want clingy girls. They only put up with it because they get sex, but now they can just fool around all they want and leave once she gets too clingy.”

I took the bait.

Me: “What if she just wants to have sex?”

Guy: “They don’t. Women always want more; they are just wired that way. I know it is an unpopular fact, but it is a proven fact.”

Me: “Women also want sex — trust me!”

Guy: “Look, you might not realise this, but you are just saying that so one of the guys here tonight will find you interesting. It is honestly just a show of you being desperate. Don’t get me wrong — they will, but they’ll only want you for sex.”

Me: “Well, sometimes I also just want sex. There is nothing wrong with that.”

Guy: “Until you fall in love.”

Me: “Or him. That can be problematic if it isn’t mutual, but it is just about being honest.”

Guy: “If you want that, you should start with being honest about yourself.”

Me: “I am. I bet I want sex more than you do.”

The guy laughed loudly at that, as if I was ridiculous, causing a couple of those I had been with to start laughing, as well. He thought they were laughing WITH him.

Guy: “See, girl? You don’t know how it is to have a male sex drive.”

Friend With Benefits: “Oh, no, she knows how to have her sex drive. Trust me, you wouldn’t be able to keep up.”

He smiled — perhaps a bit too proudly — and even winked, but I just thought it was funny.

Later that evening, [Guy] tried to talk me into having sex with him, relentlessly, saying I didn’t mind having sex, after all. I just laughed.

Me: “Nah, you seem too desperate for my taste — too clingy, you know?”