Nothing Like The Smell Of Passive Aggressiveness In The Morning

(My mother and I are out shopping on Black Friday. We run into a girl we know from church – almost literally ran into her with our cart. I can admit that I wasn’t quite as slim as when I had left for college a few years ago.)

Mom: “Hi, there!”

Me: “Hi!”

(Our friend turns to see who’s greeting her. She hadn’t seen me for a couple years, so it took her a second to place me.)

Her: “Oh! Hi! … Wow, [My Name], you porked out.”

(It’s only about 7 AM. I’ve been up since 4 AM. I figure that I COULDN’T have heard that right.)

Me: “… Thank you?”

Her: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I gained weight after I got married, too.”

Me: “Okay. So, no, I hadn’t misheard what you said.”

Mom: “Well, we should go get some more bargains! See you! Bye!”