Nothing Is More Sobering Than The Law

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2020

I work in a sandwich shop two blocks away from a college campus. We stay open until 4:00 am but lock the bathroom every night at midnight as a result of people puking, having sex, doing drugs, etc., in the bathroom after that point. The building we are connected to still has a public bathroom connected to it. Despite this, drunk people still always try to argue with us about locking the bathroom. There are a lot of stories about those arguments, but this one is my favorite.

A drunk guy, who is likely no more than nineteen years old, comes into the store.

Drunk Guy: “Hey, man, your bathroom is locked and I’ve been waiting for like ten minutes. I don’t think anyone is in there. Can you unlock it for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we close the bathrooms at midnight. There is a public one just outside, to the left.”

Drunk Guy: “You can’t do that! I need to go!”

The kid continues to argue with me for about five minutes — he could have gone to and back from the other bathroom multiple times — about how it isn’t okay to lock our bathroom. The local police department has an office a few doors down from us and they frequently come in to eat. As he is arguing, two cops join the line.

Drunk Guy: “I’m a law student, and I know for a fact that if you have a business that can serve more than a hundred people, you have to provide a bathroom. So, are you going to open it, or are we going to have a legal problem?”

Me: “Oh, wow! is it really illegal?”

Drunk Guy: “It is! So, do I need to report you?”

Me: “I guess you should call the police.”

Drunk Guy: “What?”

Me: “Okay, I will.”

I waved over to the cops in line. One noticed me and started to come over, but as soon as the drunk kid saw him, he bolted.

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