“Nothing Here But My Biceps!”

My wife and I were preparing for a flight from Connecticut to Florida, and we had some nicer clothes packed in a garment bag. At the time, some commercial jets had closets on board in which I could hang the garment bag, and others did not. I called the airline’s customer service line in advance.

Me: “Hi! We’re flying on flight [number], and I was wondering if you could tell me whether the aircraft will have a closet to hang my garment bag in, or if I’ll have to put it in checked baggage.”

Representative: “I’m sorry? You want to what?”

Me: “I have a garment bag, and I wanted to know if I could carry it on board, or if I’ll have to check it through.”

Representative: *Getting agitated* “That’s an unusual request. I’ll have to check with my supervisor. Normally, you need to fill out a form ahead of time, show it at check-in, and have the bag inspected.”

Me: “Get the bag inspected?”

Representative: *Even more alarmed* “Yes, and you’ll need to have it locked and tagged at the counter.”

Me: “Wow. All this for a garment bag?”

Representative: *Relieved* “A garment bag? Oh! I thought you said a gun bag!”

Me: *Laughing* “No, just some nice clothes in a hang-up bag. Does the aircraft have a closet, or do I need to check it through?”

Representative: “Let me see… Okay, you’re going down in a Boeing 727 …”

Me: *Laughing again* “Could you please rephrase that?”

Representative: “HAHAHA! You’re flying south in a Boeing 727 …”

Me: *Laughing harder* “I sure hope this call isn’t ‘being monitored for quality assurance purposes’!”

The representative laughed again and continued their research.