Nothing Comes Between Dad And His Wine

(My family has sailed on Lake Superior since I was a baby, and every year my dad and some friends make a long trip to Isle Royale, one of the most remote National Parks in the country. But they’ve had a rough crossing.)

Friend: “Let’s have some of that wine I brought!”

(My dad agrees and digs through the storage in the RV-sized boat, looking increasingly sad.)

Dad: “Sorry, [Friend], no corkscrew.”

(They all groan, but they go watch the sun set. Dad sees a campground with two lone people sitting by their fire on shore. Dad’s face lights up with a sudden idea; he tears off toward the camp and comes crashing through the woods to a very startled couple.)

Dad: “DO YOU GUYS HAVE A CORKSCREW?”

Man: “The f***, man? You scared us! Anyway, why would we carry an expensive bottle of wine on a backpacking trip? We don’t have a d*** corkscrew!”

Dad: “Sorry! I just had an idea. You must have a Swiss Army knife, right?”

Woman: *skeptical, pulls hers out* “Yeah, but… Oh.” *finds the corkscrew attachment* “I guess we do have one. But it’s you that’s got the screw loose, dude. Crashing through the woods like a yeti…”

Dad: *sheepish* “Well, I came by boat with some friends and we can’t open our wine. Sorry. Can I borrow that?”

Man: *laughing now* “You really had us there! Yes, fine. And don’t apologize! Just invite us, too; we haven’t seen other humans for almost two weeks!”

(My dad’s group and their new friends stayed up so late swapping stories that a ranger came down to the dock and threatened to fine them if they didn’t quiet down!)

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