Notary-ious Behavior

Customer: “I’ve been driving around all day trying to find a notary; you’d better have one on staff here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we do not at this time; however, there is–”

Customer: *instantly starts yelling before I can finish* “BUT I CALLED AND YOU SAID YOU HAD ONE!”

Me: “I can assure you I did no such thing, nor did my coworker, and I’m going to have to ask you not to yell.”

Customer: “YOU LITTLE S***! I LEFT A MESSAGE AND NO ONE CALLED ME BACK; YOU WILL GET YOUR NOTARY NOW!”

Me: “A moment ago you said you talked to someone on the phone, and now you’re saying you left a message; if you are going to try to bully me into a service that we don’t offer then at least get your lies straight. Also, if you can’t be civil I’m going to have to kick you out.”

Customer: “YOU A**HOLE! FIND ME A NOTARY!”

Me: “I know exactly where a notary is, but I wasn’t bluffing; get out.”

(The customer picks up the mug on the counter we keep pens in and throws it at me, still yelling about needing a notary. I dodge the mug, and walk calmly around the counter, getting right in her face and and speaking more calmly than I thought I could pull off.)

Me: “Ma’am, what you did there is considered assault. There are two cameras watching us right now; if you don’t leave I’m calling the police.”

Customer: *shrinking back under the death glare I am giving* “I… Um… Can you tell me where that notary was located?”

Me: “I would have if you hadn’t assaulted me, put a hole in my wall, and broke my mug. If your next words aren’t, ‘Have a nice day,’ the police will be shown this footage.”

Customer: “I… you… I just… Have a nice day.”

(She left and was never seen in our office again.)