This Is Not The Virus You Are Looking For

, , , , | Related | February 23, 2018

(I have three younger brothers, the youngest of whom is about seven. The oldest brother and I often babysit him, and we’ve gotten pretty used to it. He and the next oldest brother are known for bickering over having the hallway light on, since their door has glass and one of them can’t sleep with the light on. One night, I am putting my two youngest brothers to bed, and sure enough, they start bickering. Wanting to avoid a fight, I separate them, taking my youngest brother to my parents’ room. First, he insists on bringing his stuffed dinosaur. Then, he wants his coloring book and colored pencils. At this point, I am just desperate for him to lay down, so I agree. Just as he is getting situated, I realize that I have forgotten that my parents have a television in their room. My brother loves technology, and he has a basic understanding of how they work, so he knows that computer virus = bad. However, he’s a bit gullible. He isn’t supposed to be watching television, and I know I have to do something. This is what I come up with:)

Brother: “[My Name], I want to watch TV.”

Me: “I know, but you have to wait.”

Brother: “Why?”

Me: “Right now, the TV needs some maintenance. If you watch a TV show, you could download a virus. You have to wait.”

Brother: “But I want to watch TV!”

Me: “I’ll tell you what. I’ll go and check my phone to see how much longer the maintenance will take. I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

(He comes down twice, asking how much longer there is. I tell him that it is at 30%, and that it needs more time. Eventually he gets bored and goes back to his own bed, being careful not to wake his brother up. Within ten minutes, he is asleep. I tell my oldest brother that the little one has gone back to his own bed, and we proceed to watch a movie. A couple hours later, Mom and Dad come home. Hoping to avoid awkward conversations the next day, I tell them what I told my youngest brother. Dad gives Mom a look and says:)

Dad: “The Force is strong with this one.” *turns to my brother* “Bro, she did you a solid!”

(Mom and Dad were both laughing at this point, and I felt pretty good. I have a pretty good feeling that I’ll get paid well for that night’s work.)

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