Not The Dog That’s Stupid  

(I work at a grooming salon corporation and I try daily to get enough information about different products; that way I can offer help and solutions to customers who are having problems beyond their grooming experience. A customer comes in dragging her dog, an Afghan. She has a harness on her dog and an “animal stretcher,” which is basically a rag with two handles on the short ends, underneath the dog’s belly. The handles and the leash are in the same hand. I have just came out of the back.)

Me: “Hello! What can we do for you?”

Customer: “I’m here for [Coworker].”

(My coworker comes up and begins talking to the woman about the haircut she wants for her dog.)

Customer: “I don’t want him bathed, and I don’t want that stupid slip lead leash around his neck. It’ll snap his neck. And I don’t want him on the table. He pulls so much; you really need to be careful with him.”

Me: “If he pulls a lot, I can suggest a Halty. It just goes around his nose and behind his ears and the leash attaches to this part.”

Customer: “Oh, no, no! He would snap his neck! He would break his neck! He’d slip out of that and get hit by a car! He is too smart for that!”

Me: “Oh, it’s specifically designed to keep dogs from slipping out, and it would be very hard for him to break his neck if used properly.”

Customer: “Oh, no! He is so stupid. I mean they are the smartest dogs in the world but they are so stupid!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “He would rather starve than eat anything that he doesn’t like! I only feed him [Fast Food Place known for roast beef sandwiches] and steak! He would rather starve! He is so stupid. I mean, they are so stupid, they can’t even have sex by themselves! That’s why they have breeders!”

Me: *looking at my coworkers* “I’m sorry. I have to leave this planet.”