Not Sure Which One To Be Offended About First

, , , , | Learning | March 29, 2018

(In our AP World History class, our teacher is forced to attend a conference with other WHAP teachers. As a result, she has to get a substitute for the day. Since she knew about this beforehand, she specifically planned out the lesson so that we wouldn’t be learning anything new that day and would have the entire two-hour class block to work on any work that needed to be done. This WAS the plan, until the sub finishes roll call. This guy legitimately looks like if Walter White, Steve Jobs, and him were all triplets; the resemblance is uncanny. He tells us to put away the computers and proceeds to give us “advice” for the AP exams and colleges, as well as personal anecdotes about his kids. He says that he is an AP U.S. History teacher, and then proceeds to tell us how our teacher is not doing her job right, how girls shouldn’t be going outside at all, and that we will fail the AP exams, fail to get into college, and die after sad, lonely lives. ALL of our homework and classwork is on Google Classroom, which means if we can’t use the laptops, we have nothing to do. Most of the kids are getting twitchy at the amount of time lost, and start complaining, to which the sub responds furiously.)

Substitute Teacher: “If you guys want to do your work that badly, you should have your books. The school system these days is getting more and more unhealthy. Kids shouldn’t be using computers for education unless you’re r*****s.”

(Yes, our sub did use that word in a classroom setting.)

Student #1: “Um, but we still have our paper packets to do. All of the work may be in our book, but—”

Substitute Teacher:Exactly. Use the book. It’s not meant to be left at home so you can use a computer. I bet that none of you are willing to tell me what effect the Magna Carta has.”

Student #2: “Uh, this is World History; we don’t focus specifically on U.S. History in here, since we’re more focused on all of the—”

Substitute Teacher: “Yeah, here’s the deal with female teachers: they’re always doing something wrong, whether or not they think they know what they’re doing. Girls, know this, but also know that society will always look down on you for trying to be smart, and so, unless you really like breaking rules, it’s probably best for everybody if you guys do what you need to do, and no more.” *phone rings* “Hold up. Your teacher’s calling.”

(He picks up the phone and the first thing he says is, “What?” After a couple “mhm”s and a, “What? Fine,” he finally blurts out this gem:)

Substitute Teacher: “FINE! It’s not my fault if your teachings are going to f*** over these kids in college one day.”

Sister: “What did she say?”

Substitute Teacher: “She wants you guys to use the computers and do your classwork. Unbelievable! Computers are used only for entertainment nowadays, and people who use them for ‘education’ as you guys call it will end failing this AP exam, flunking out of high school, and never getting into college! Also, she said a student was texting her about this. Who ratted me out?!”

(The sub then grills each individual student who he thinks ratted him out. Of course, he goes after the girls first, then the oldest ones. The student who actually did it, [Student #1], had the foresight to text our teacher, then tell her that he’s going to pretend his phone is dead so that the teacher can’t punish him if he gets caught. The teacher is going nuts, getting up in people’s faces and whatnot, before finally giving up and sitting down in his chair, rubbing his eyes. Then, he starts to talk about how his son is going to Harvard and how he took up teaching again so he could help pay for his tuition.)

Substitute Teacher: “I mean, if I’m unable to support my son, then he can’t go to college, and then he can’t be successful. I know today might not be our finest hour, but boys, going to a good college is extraordinarily beneficial for your family and yourself. I went to Yale, and I can tell you, the programs are just amazing and…”

(He then goes on a tangent on his opinion of colleges and their programs and whatnot. Finally, he says this line, which pushes my sister and I WAY over the edge:)

Substitute Teacher: “But yeah, boys, go to college. Girls, you guys don’t even need to bother. I mean, look at those two.” *gestures to my sister and me* “I’m willing to bet that she’ll marry that guy because she’ll get pregnant, and the guy’s going to stick around because it’s the honorable thing to do, and Asians are all about honor, right?”

(Silence for about five seconds.)

Me: “I hope you know that we’re both related, and that we’re fraternal twins.”

Substitute Teacher: “Oh, well, you know…”

Student #3: “Dude, that’s way over the line. I mean, that’s pretty racist, but—”

Substitute Teacher: “I’m not racist; I’m saying he just looks like an honorable person, but not because—”

Me: “Yeah, well, either way, you’ve been a terrible sub throughout this entire class, and we’ll be reporting you after we all leave.”

Sister: “Also, giving advice for colleges out to students can get you fired and your teaching license barred. So…”

(Never have I seen a man go from rude, to angry, to depressed, to excited, to depressed again. After we told him how he might get fired, he just sat down and didn’t get up again. What a nut!)

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