Not Speaking Full English

Guest: *on the phone* “Do you serve hot breakfast?”

Me: “Yes, we serve a full Scottish breakfast.”

Guest: “So you don’t have any hot food? Like a full English?”

Me: “A full Scottish breakfast is basically the same as a full English, but you get haggis as well. And it’s a buffet so you can choose not to have that if you don’t want it.”

Guest: “So I can’t get eggs or sausages? You know, like in a full English.”

Me: “I assure you, our buffet has hot food. It is a full English, plus haggis.”

Guest: “But I can’t get eggs, ’cause it’s Scottish?”

Me: “…”

Guest: “It’s just continental, with muffins and stuff.”

Me: “The buffet has any number of breakfast items, but if you want something not available, you can ask the chef, and it won’t be a problem. Though I assure you, the buffet has hot, full English breakfast items. Such as eggs.”

Guest: “Okay, I’ll just ask the chef to make me a full English, then. Thank you.”