Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 17

| Right | November 7, 2014

(The phone rings and the pre-recorded “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thanks for calling,. What can I do for you?’ goes off.)

Caller: “I WANT A FREE [Extremely Popular 4G Smartphone] IN EXCHANGE FOR MY [Not So Popular Slide-Out Phone] BECAUSE IT’S A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT’S FROZEN AND IT WON’T TURN OFF!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating! Let’s see if we can get it fixed for you today.”

Caller: “I doubt you can fix it! This phone is stupid! I want a [4G Smartphone] instead!”

Me: “Well, if I could do that for you I certainly would, but our system actually won’t let us process exchanges like that in the first place. And definitely not before troubleshooting! So, let’s go ahead and get it fixed up for you instead. Would you take the battery out for me, please?”

Caller: “NO. Didn’t you understand me?! I SAID, it’s FROZEN!”

Me: “I did understand, but you don’t have to turn the phone off first to remove the battery.”

Caller: “…oh. IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WANT A F****** [4G Smartphone]!”

Me: “I’m sure this will help your phone, ma’am, but like I said, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t physically process the [4G Smartphone] for you. Our system will not allow it.”

(The phone reboots, and everything is just fine and her phone works.)

Me: “Okay! I’m so glad your phone is working great for you now. Can I help you with anything else?”

Caller: “Hmph… NO. AND THE NEXT TIME THIS PHONE BREAKS, I’M JUST GOING TO SMASH IT!”

Me: *laughing* “Well, you certainly—”

Caller: *click*

(She totally hung up on me, but I was going to tell her she could definitely smash the phone if she wanted, and we still couldn’t replace it with a 4G model! I had to get off the phones to laugh for a minute after that.)

 

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