Not So Slick City Slicker

(I live in a large metro area with a lot of different religions and political groups, so I am often approached about converting/donating/signing petitions, even at home. However, I am visiting my parents at their new vacation house, which is in a much smaller town. We have literally just gotten in.)

Dad: “Crap! The electricity isn’t hooked up in our name yet. [My Name], stay here and watch the dog. I’m going to the utility company and Mom can buy some more nonperishable food.”

(They leave me alone in the brand-new house, I hear people talking and some of them coming up the stairs to the front door.)

Me: *on city-dweller autopilot, not really looking at them* “If you have a petition to sign, I’ll look it over. If you’re selling something, we don’t want it. And if you’re Mormons or Jehovah’s Witnesses, get out and don’t come back, because I’m a.) already religious, and b.) openly gay.”

Older Woman: *stammers* “No… we just wanted to welcome your family to the neighborhood… What were you going on about there?”

(And that’s how I accidentally came out to several of the neighbors in a conservative Southern town!)