Not Quite The Threat Of A Lifetime

(I’m a bouncer at a sports bar. Since we’re a franchise, we are only allowed to play certain channels on our TVs [mostly sports channels]. A woman calls me over to her table.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man, but can you change the channel on this TV to Lifetime?”

(The television she is referring to is one of the largest ones we own, and there is a college basketball game playing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re only allowed to display certain channels, and Lifetime isn’t one of them.”

Customer: “Why not? Other restaurants can play any channel they want to.”

Me: “This is a sports bar; we only play sports channels specifically for that reason.”

Customer: “So you CAN’T change the channel or you WON’T?”

(I am silent, almost dumbfounded by her ignorance of the situation.)

Customer: “Yep, that’s what I thought. I’m not speaking another word to you. Get me the manager.”

(The manager comes over and offers her a compromise: he will move her to a different table near one of our smaller television sets, where he was willing to make an exception and play Lifetime just for her.)

Customer: “No! I want to watch it on the big TV!”

Manager: “Ma’am, we simply can’t do that. This is a sports bar and we have other customers wanting to watch the game.”

Customer: “Well, then make THEM watch it on the smaller screen!”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there’s nothing else I can do for you. You can watch your program on the TV over there or not watch it at all.”

(She rudely picks up her drink and storms over to the table near the smaller TV. After her program finishes she begins to leave (after leaving no tip) and makes a point to come up to me:)

Customer: “Tell your manager that I will not be returning, and I will also be writing a horrible review on Yelp!”

Me: “Oh, no! People will find out we don’t play Lifetime at a sports bar! We’re going to lose so much business…”