Not Quite Excelling At Her Job

(We have a new person in the office who claimed to be an Excel expert when she applied. While her role doesn’t require using the software, one manager decided to take advantage of her skills and have her redesign an allocation sheet for one of his divisions. She agrees to help and spends an entire day working on it instead of doing her actual duties. I go up to her, asking if she wants a cup of tea. However, she looks quite stressed.)

Me: “Is everything all right?”

Colleague: “Yes. It’s just this allocation sheet. It’s very complicated and demanding. I think someone is going to have to pick up my work until I’ve finished.”

Me: “You should only be doing that once you’ve finished the work you are required to do. I think [Manager] would understand.”

Colleague: “Clearly you don’t understand anything. This requires a lot of concentration! I can’t just do an odd hour here or there.”

Me: “What are you trying to do? I’m quite good at Excel myself. Maybe I can help.”

Colleague: “No, it’ll be way above your head.”

Me: “Try me.”

Colleague: *sighs* “In this column here, I’m making all the boxes write in bold.”

Me: “Okay.”

Colleague: “And that’s very time-consuming.”

Me: “You’ve spent a day making all the cells in that column bold?”

Colleague: “Yes.”

Me: “And how have you been doing it?”

(She then selects a single cell, right-clicks it, clicks on “Format Cells,” then the “Font” tab, and then “Bold,” before clicking “Okay.”)

Colleague: “Understand why it’s taking so long?”

Me: “And you’ve been doing that one cell at a time? Why don’t you just select a group of cells at a time, or better yet, just an entire column?”

Colleague: *confused* “What?”

Me: *pointing at the column head* “Click there.”

(She does and her eyes practically bulge when the entire column changes colour. I then navigate her to the “Home” tab and tell her to click the “B.”)

Me: “Everything in that column will be in bold now.”

Colleague: “I… I need a break.”

(She gets up and turns. The manager she was making the sheet for has been stood behind us long enough to understand what’s just happened. He says he won’t be needing her help anymore, and she leaves for the kitchen.)

Manager: *whispering to me* “Even I know how to bold a f****** column.”

(This revelation spread like wildfire in the office, and while no one is outright bullying her, no one trusts her with a PC, resulting in her no longer being needed.)