Not Quite A Navy Seal

(My husband and I are kayaking in Maine. My husband is not what you would call an outdoorsman.)

Me: “Oh, look! Seals! Look!”

(There are about 20 seals that have just appeared and are swimming along with us and being extremely cute.)

Me: “This is so great. Isn’t this awesome?”

(I look back at him, to find that he looks extremely anxious.)

Husband: “We should probably get back to shore, right?”

Me: “Why? This is amazing!”

Husband: “What if they try to knock us out?”

Me: “What? Why would they do that?”

Husband: “To eat us!”

Me: “…babe, seals don’t do that. Seals don’t eat people.”

Husband: “Well, maybe these ones do. Maybe they’ve gone carnivorous.”

Me: “They’re already carnivorous. They eat fish. They’re not going to hurt you, they’re just curious and looking at us. Oh, look, a baby one!”

Husband: “Well, what if they got the taste for mammal blood somehow?”

(Long pause while I consider what he’s just said.)

Me: “Honey, are you scared of the seals because you’ve subconsciously internalized a subplot from Arrested Development?”

(Another long pause.)

Husband: “Maybe.”

(We stayed out with the seals for another hour. They did not try to eat us.)