Not Your Problem Will Cause You Problems

(As a line rings, our system pops up with the caller’s account information if one is associated with the phone number. Usually, this is just to expedite serving the customer. Not so much in this case. After I confirm the caller’s name and number, the account history makes my jaw drop.)

Caller: “So anyway, I saw your subscription numbers dipped, and it’s your lucky day; I’ve got a great deal for you!”

(I’m a little speechless at this point; this man’s account is locked due to frequent credit card fraud notifications. Some scammers do sell game time off stolen credit cards, but most customers stop after the inevitable chargeback and lost time.)

Me: “Pardon me, sir, but I can’t help but notice your account’s currently locked—”

Caller: “That’s right! And if you unlock it now and give me six months’ free time, you’ll get an old and valued customer back!”

Me: “Sir, the account’s locked due to frequent charge-backs—”

Caller: *same cheery voice* “Not my problem! I bought that time in good faith. You shouldn’t have taken it from me.”

Me: “Sir, those were stolen cards, and we’ve told you six times this was against our end user agreement.”

Caller: “Still don’t see how it’s my problem. That’s just capitalism. Someone made me a better offer!”

Me: “Because they were using stolen funds, sir, which was why we prohibit such transactions in our contracts.”

Caller: “Still not my problem. So, you going to do your company a solid and get them a valued customer back?”

Me: “You want me to waive $100 in outstanding charges and give you another $100 free?”

Caller: “It’s good business sense to keep the customer happy!”

Me: “Sir, you haven’t been a customer of ours since you started relying on fraudulent time purchases. Each of those purchases got refunded, and we were issued a chargeback penalty by the cardholder’s bank. You cost us money.”

Caller: “Not my problem!”

Me: “That’s why we locked your account. You may not think it’s your problem, but we’ve decided we don’t want you as a customer.”

Caller: “What? But I’ve been a good customer! You should be thankful I want to come back after how you treated me!”

Me: “Looking over your billing history, sir, it’s looking likely your entire time with us might actually be a net loss for us.”

Caller: “Do you want me to get my lawyer involved? He says I’ve got a good chance at restitution after the way you’ve treated me. I’m offering you a good deal. You should take it instead of letting this get… messy.”

Me: “As this is now pending litigation, your lawyer may contact our legal team for any further discussions. Please understand that no one at this phone number is able to discuss matters pertaining to this account until after its conclusion. Thank you.”

(In retrospect, I wish I could have asked how his lawyer felt about his client knowingly working with credit fraud from a variety of state and international ends, but I don’t know I’d have been able to keep from laughing.)