Not On Par With An Emergency

(I’m a receptionist for a car dealership with repair departments as well as sales. Only sales are open on a Saturday, with all repairs locked up over the weekend.)

Me: “Good morning! This is [Business Name]. How can I help you?

Caller: *sounding flustered and upset* “Thank God. Put me onto service.”

Me: “The service department is actually closed on the weekend. Can I take a message for Monday?”

Caller: “No, you don’t understand. My car got brought in yesterday and I need to get my things out.”

Me: “Did you arrange anything with the staff during the week? Maybe they left it at reception for you.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Oh. Well. It will have to wait until Monday. Everything is locked up to keep the cars and contents safe.”

Caller: “Don’t you understand? This is urgent! Can’t you unlock it for me?”

Me: “I don’t have the keys. Only the managers of that department do.”

Caller: “Well, why the h*** are they closed? Make them come to work to open everything up!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. This is their time off.”

Caller: “But this is an EMERGENCY!”

(This goes on for sometime, and the caller is getting more and more upset. I figure it must be really important to cause such a fuss – something like medicine, or formula for a small child.)

Me: “Tell you what. Give me your number and I’ll try and sort something out.”

Caller: “Thank you! This is so important. This is an emergency. You need to get someone in.”

(I try to sort it out, but I can’t. He’s going to have to wait until Monday. I call him back.)

Me: “Hello. Is this [Name]? I’m so sorry, but it’s completely impossible.”

Caller: “But it’s an emergency!”

Me: “I know. I’m sorry, but no one here has the keys and none of the managers can come in.”

Caller: “Do you realise how urgent this is? I am going to have to use the RENTAL CLUBS.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “I am going golfing with friends today at [ludicrously expensive golf course]! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me to use rental clubs?”

Me: “You mean to tell me you wanted me to get managers, who work thirteen-hour days all week, to come in because you don’t want to use RENTED GOLF CLUBS?”

Caller: “You see!? It’s an emergency!”