Not Low Key About The Hokey

(I’m a Muslim female barista. Two young women in headscarves come in. They get in line. Most people are surprised to learn of my faith, as I am mixed race and look white, and don’t wear a headscarf by personal choice.. A man whispers to his wife, and then comes up to me while I’m handing out drinks to customers.)

Man: “Excuse me, could you please remove those two from the shop?”

Me: “Who?”

Man: “Those two in the scarves.”

Me: “Uh, why?”

Man: “They’re offending me.”

Me: “How?”

Man: *raising voice* “How dare they throw their satanic religion in our good Christian faces?!”

(He is wearing a rather large cross around his neck.)

Man: *raises his voice to a yell* “Be gone from his earth, devil spawn!”

Me: “Dude, look, quit harassing them.”

Man: “Harassing them?! They’re harassing me!”

(Fed up, I come out from behind the counter to speak to the man.)

Me: “Look, dude, be quiet or leave now.”

Man: “Why should I, son of the great lord, be forced to tolerate their hokey religion?!”

Me: “That’s my ‘hokey religion’ you’re messing with, and I’m not going to take your crap. Out. Now.”

Man: “You’re devil spawn too?!” *crosses himself* “SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF GOD, THROW DOWN YOUR COFFEE! A SINNER HAS TOUCHED IT!”

(The shop is literally silent, and everyone is staring at him. My manager walks up behind him. He is Sikh, and is wearing a turban. He taps the man on the shoulder and speaks in a deadpan voice.)

Manager: *deadpans, taps man on the shoulder* “Now what seems to be the problem here?”

(As soon as he sees my manager, the customer literally screams and runs out. His wife runs after him, stopping at the door to cross herself. I go back behind the counter. The two Muslim women approach me.)

Muslim Woman #1: “Thanks for that.”

Me: “Absolutely no problem. I’ve had that done to me too, when I’m wearing the scarf.”

Muslim Woman #2: “Do you get lunatics in here like that often?”

Me: “You have no idea.”