Not Just The Cream Turning Sour

(This week, we’re running a deal on a certain brand of sour cream. A customer starts loading her groceries onto the belt.)

Me: “Hi! Is that it for you today?”

Customer: “Yes, dear! That’s all.”

(I make small talk with her while I’m ringing her out. Then I notice that she has two tubs of the sour cream on sale.)

Me: “I have some good news! We’re running an awesome special on this sour cream right now. If you want to grab another one, it’ll be free.”

(The customer freezes and stares at me, her eyes wide.)

Customer: “…excuse me?”

Me: “Er, it’s three-for-two? We have a refurbi—”

Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!”

(I ring my manager immediately, because her transformation was, frankly, terrifying.)

Manager: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “This little c*** tried to charge me for three tubs of sour cream! Do you treat all of your customers this way? Do you ENJOY ripping people OFF and GUTTING THEM of their HARD-EARNED MONEY?”

Manager: *turns to me* “What?”

Me: “The three-for-two!” *I turn to the customer again* “Ma’am, I was trying to explain that you can get three for the price of two.”

Customer: “C***! You just enjoy watching other people’s money get snatched away. You don’t care.”

Me: “Ma’am, I promise. I wasn’t—”

Manager: “Okay, okay. Everyone calm down.”

(My manager nudges me toward the break room.)

Manager: “I’ll finish up here.”

(The customer shrieks as I make my way to the break room, demanding that I be prosecuted for larceny and threatening to call the police. Even when I am in the break room, I can still hear her. I call my girlfriend, hoping she can calm me down. My girlfriend also works in the store.)

Girlfriend: “Wait. Wait. Does this woman have purple glasses?”

Me: “…yes.”

Girlfriend: “Oh, my God. Yeah, babe. I’m gonna go out and buy you a nice bottle of wine; how’s that?”

(As it turns out, that woman had gone off on three other employees, including my girlfriend, on our old manager’s watch. She had been banned from the store until our new manager was hired. She actually tried to sue one of the cashiers for larceny!)