Not Getting Tongue Tied About Getting Tube Tied

A few years ago, now, when I was in my mid-20s, I finally decided to take the plunge and get my tubes tied. Ever since I was a pre-teen, I’ve had severe paranoia about becoming pregnant (clinically diagnosed tokophobia!) that was impacting my willingness to even date guys, so this, in combination with my general disinterest in ever being a parent, made it a very easy choice to make. 

The person who ended up taking me to and from the hospital is a male friend of mine whom I’ve known for so long that we’re pretty much siblings in all but blood.

My friend recounted this encounter he had with a nurse, not long after he was allowed in to see me after my surgery. I was still dealing with the anesthesia at this point so I have no memory of any of it.

Nurse: “So, how many kids do you have?”

Friend: *Confused* “None…?”

Apparently, she became really condescending from this point on.

Nurse: “So you let your wife get her tubes tied without even having one?”

Friend: “Wha- [My Name] isn’t my wife? We’re friends?”

Nurse: “So her husband couldn’t have even shown up? Did he even give her permission to do this? How many kids does she even have?”

Of course, by this point, my friend has very much picked up her angle, so he gets my drugged a**’s attention.

Friend: “[My Name], how single are you?”

Me: *Slurring heavily.* “Siiiiingle azzah pringle!”

Friend: “And do you have any secret kids running around?”

Me: “Ewww, naw! F***… dem kids.”

Yes, apparently, drugged up me decided to quote that one stupid Michael Jordan meme. Naturally, these responses just p***ed her off since she apparently scoffed and stomped off.

Thankfully, neither of us saw her again before I was discharged.