Not Getting Into Her Good Books

(I’m in a book store with a few friends when we spot a fairly attractive woman. One of my friends, who has a tendency to be extremely disrespectful and think he’s actually being complimentary decides he’s the only one who deserves to ask her out and approaches her.)

Friend: “Well hello, baby!”

(She doesn’t answer.)

Friend: “You lookin’ fiiiine, baby girl.”

(She stares at him for a moment, then rolls her eyes and goes back to her book.)

Friend: *moves closer to her* “I like that sexy a**, it look good and tiny in them jeans.”

Woman: *sarcastically and without looking up* “Kind of like how your brain looks smaller every time you open your mouth?”

Friend: “Hey, f*** you! Who the h*** do you think you is, b****, you can’t talk to me like that! Do you know who I am?”

Woman: *snaps shut her book* “Someone who very badly needs to return to elementary grammar lessons. Excuse me.” *walks away*

(Everybody nearby was laughing so hard that his whining about how she was just an uptight b**** and he hadn’t done anything wrong was pretty much ignored.)