Not Getting Any Kick Out Of It

(My friend wants a particular specialty costume/foreign clothing item and finds it can only be easily obtained in the USA. I offer to pick one up for him while on a short shopping trip from Canada. I take my cousin with me. Coming back, I find that the item doesn’t come with a full receipt, so the border guard is looking it up online to verify its value and it is taking him awhile to find it.)

Cousin: “Well, I hope [Friend] appreciates you picking this up for him!”

(I am horrified, because my step-sister had recently gotten in trouble for bringing an item back for her dad as a gift and had paid massive duty fees when they found it was not for her own “personal use and consumption.”)

Me: “Oh, no, I wanted that for ME.”

(I am hoping she will get the hint and stop talking. But no.)

Cousin: *loudly* “But I thought it was for [Friend], since we stopped and got the money for it, and now his stupid [Item] is what’s keeping us!”

(Trying to shut her up, I lightly kick her under the customs counter.)

Cousin: *turning and SCREECHING at me* “Did you just kick me under the counter?!”

Me: “No.”

Cousin: “Yes, you DID. You KICKED ME!”

(I figure we are going to get in trouble; you don’t screw around with border agents. As it turns out, the item in question is not covered by the “personal use and consumption” rule so I just pay my tax and leave. Once we get out in the car and drove away I explain to my cousin.)

Cousin: “Well, I didn’t know!”

Me: “I know you didn’t know, but the NEXT time someone kicks you under the table anywhere, assume there is a good reason, and GRAB A CLUE AND SHUT IT!”