Not Ex-pecting That

(My ex has been bothering me for years about child support in arrears. He owes several thousand dollars, has a history of non-payment, and more than once has called to demand that I give the money I got from child support back to him. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Ex: “Hey, it’s me, [Ex]. I wanted to talk to you about arrears.”

(Mentally I sigh. But I listen as he explains that his current wife is pregnant. There is no chance that the baby is his.)

Ex: “So, I’ve decided to step up and raise this child as my own.”

Me: *rather taken aback; this is out of character* “Wow, that’s fantastic. It’s a very mature move!”

Ex: “Yeah. I’m looking forward to it. Babies are so much fun. Well, in order to be able to pay for this new blessing, I need you to sign off on child support and arrears.”

(Yeah. He didn’t even seem to catch how wrong it was to focus on raising a child that wasn’t his by intentionally turning his back on his own children – we had three sons together. But you know what? I turned off current child support for three years so he could get back on his feet – a loss of over $14,000 for me and my children. I counted it worth it to get him off my back. When financial troubles came back to my family, I reinstated child support at 50% of what I could have demanded. I still think I was far nicer than I had to be.)