Not What You Were Egg-specting

(My grandparents are out for a meal, and they’ve decided to try out a new café that has just opened. My granddad decides what he wants to eat quite quickly, whereas my nan isn’t keen on what they currently have on the menu for the day. She flags one of the staff down.)

Nan: “Oh, hello! I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but I was wondering if it was possible for someone back in the kitchen to just make me a sandwich, or something? I can’t eat anything from today’s menu.”

Waiter: “That’s no problem at all! What can I get you?”

Nan: “Just an egg mayonnaise sandwich on wholemeal would be fantastic, thank you!”

(The waiter suddenly looks very confused, and there’s a bit of a pause before he replies.)

Waiter: “Egg… mayonnaise? In a sandwich, right?”

Nan: “Uh, yes. You know, egg mayo sandwiches? You cook some egg and just… mix it in with the mayonnaise?” *mimes mashing the two together* “On wholemeal bread?”

Waiter: “Wholemeal?”

Nan: “Yes, just brown bread.”

Waiter: “Okay… uh… How many?”

Nan: “You mean, how many eggs?”

Waiter: “Yes, how many eggs would you like?”

Nan: “Oh… um… I guess two would probably make enough for one sandwich? I suppose it depends on how much mayonnaise you mix in, or how filled you want to make the sandwich.”

Waiter: *nods slowly, looking intensely confused* “Riiiiiight… Of course. I’ll bring that out to you as soon as possible.”

(Food came out pretty quickly, and while my granddad’s meal was perfect, my nan’s was… less so. True to their word, it was two eggs… fried, covered in mayonnaise, and on white bread toasted to the point of being brown, more like a biscuit. To her credit, my nan ate it without a word of complaint, but vows not to order another any time soon!)