Not Displaying Much Military Intelligence

(I work at the reference desk at a public library. A man rushes over to the desk holding a piece of paper.)

Man: “I used to be in the Navy, and I need to send them a fax right away!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a public fax machine. The package store on [Main Street] has one that you can pay to use.”

Man: *waving dismissively at me* “No, no, I know how to use the fax.”

(He goes over to our public photocopier, opens the top, and places his paper inside. He presses the green “copy” button, and the machine makes the beeping sound that indicates an error detecting the copy size. He then removes his paper with a flourish and comes back to me.)

Man: “There! The Navy should receive that in a few days! I used to work for the Navy!”