Not Dialing Down Their Demands

I am at the register ringing out an elderly lady with a number of items when a middle-aged woman starts shouting to me while storming up.

Rude Customer: “Lemme use your phone!”

I manage to hit the Total button so the elderly lady can use her card while I turn to handle the vision of fury that is coming at me.

Rude Customer: “Did you hear me?! I said, let me use your phone! Now!”

She points dramatically at the register phone and then thrust out her hand in a clear “gimme!” gesture.

I would feel more pity for her if she looked distressed or concerned for someone’s safety. But she didn’t say, “Excuse me,” or, “Please.” She just straight up yelled a demand. Honestly, my three-year-old has better manners! Unfortunately for the rude customer, even if I WANTED to help her out…

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our register phones don’t make outgoing calls.”

Rude Customer: “Well, I left my phone in the car and I gotta call my daughter to let her know I’m here. So hand it over!”

I am trying to rephrase to help her understand.

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t. Our phones don’t dial out.”

Rude Customer: “Don’t tell me you can’t! I only need to call my daughter! You can make an exception to satisfy a customer!”

Me: “Sorry again, ma’am, but you’ll have to run back out to your car. My phone is physically incapable of calling outside our store.”

Rude Customer: “Are you stupid?! Have you ever tried dialing a nine to get outside lines?!”

Me: *Fed up* “They are deliberately set up to not be able to call out. They cannot call out. No calls to outside lines. None. Zippo. Zilch. They. Cannot. Call Out.”

I thank my lucky stars that the instant she sucks in a huge breath to scream at me some more, she suddenly spots someone else she knows. Turning away from me, she bellows a name and charges off like a runaway train, demanding to use their phone.

Me: *To my current customer* “I’m so sorry for the delay, ma’am.”

I hit the final button and the register spits out a receipt, which I hand to her. The elderly lady smiles at me.

Elderly Lady: “No worries, dear. That angry moose obviously needed to be a priority. I wonder if she needs this more than I do?”

She held up the tube of Preparation H (hemorrhoid cream) she had just purchased with a wickedly sly smile before dropping it into her bag. I laughed and wished her a good day.

I hope to be an old lady with a wicked sense of humor one day!