Not “Closing” In To Her Point

(Our location is closing. There are other branches nearby, but people are still closing their accounts. I’ve stopped trying to retain customers, because I’ve gotten screamed at, cussed out, and/or personally blamed for the branch closing when I try.)

Customer #1: “Hello, I’d like to close my account.”

Me: “I can take care of that for you. I just need your ID.”

(She hands it over.)

Me: “Okay, you’ve got [amount] left in your checking. Would you like cash or a cashier’s check?”

Customer #1: “I’m closing it because you’re closing.”

Me: “Yep, we’ve gotten a lot of that, and I will take care of the account closing process for you. I just need to know if you want cash or a check.”

Customer#1: “I’m going to [Competitor].”

(She stares at me expectantly.)

Me: “Whatever works best for you, ma’am. Cash or check?”

Customer #1: “They’re not closing.”

Me: “That’s great. So, the fee for a cashier’s check is [amount], and I can just take that out of what’s left in your account.”

Customer #1: “What?! No! I want cash!”

Me: “All right. Please sign here.”

(She signs. I count her cash back.)

Me: “And your account is closed. I see you had a debit card, as well. I’ve deactivated it for you. Your online banking login is also deactivated. I’m not sure if you had checks on this account, but you can shred them. Or, if you’d prefer, you can bring them in, and we’ll shred them for you. Can I get you anything else?”

Customer #1: “Oh, so you actually closed it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s what you asked me to do.”

Customer#1: “I guess I’ll go to [Competitor] now.”

(She sighs dramatically and continues to stare at me. The line is building behind her.)

Me: “Ma’am? Is there something else I can help you with?”

(She walks out slowly, continuing to sigh dramatically. I call the next customer up.)

Customer #2: “I’m also closing my account. Here’s my ID, I’d love a cashier’s check, you can take the fee out of my remaining funds, I’ve already cut up my debit card, and I’m not going to [Competitor].” *laughs* “Where do I sign?”

(I hand him a withdrawal slip.)

Me: “Right here. Thank you!”

Customer #2: “It’s no problem at all. You’ve got way more patience than I’d have in that situation.”