Not Being Very Private (Eye) About Her Affair

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2019

(Our parking lot is partially under construction as they lay new water pipes, so employees have to park at a gravel lot down the block. After work, I pick up my daughter from after-school activities, but depending on the timing, I’ll often sit in my car and read until it’s time to get her. I’m in the car when there’s a loud pounding on my door. I look up to see an irate woman.)

Woman: “You want something to show Harold? You want some proof?!”

Me: “What?”

Woman: “If he is so g**d*** sure I’m cheating on him that he’s sending a g**d*** investigator after me, he can just have the divorce!”

Me: “I’m not a private detective; I work at the bank down the street.”

Woman: “Bulls***! You’re here every day, watching me.”

Me: “I’m not watching anyone. I just park here.”

Woman: “Give these to Harold and tell him this is all the proof he needs, and he better not expect me to pay any of your salary!”

(She shoves several printed pages into my hand and storms off towards a house across the street. The pages are pictures of her and a man being intimate. I’m shocked, and I shred them when I get home. For the next few days, I park at a shopping center and walk. Less than a week later, I’m waiting on customers and realize the woman is next in line. She doesn’t recognize me.)

Me: “If you could just swipe your card to bring up your account… As I told you the other day, I work at a bank and not as a private eye.”

(She looked at me and turned red as a beet, and we did her transaction quickly. I couldn’t help but notice that it was a joint account with a Harold. It’s been three months, and if it wasn’t against regulations, I’d be curious to see if they both were still on the account.)

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