Not Being Charitable With Mom

(I have just come home from being treated for cancer. The form of cancer I have is easily treatable and most likely gone by this point. Ever since I got diagnosed my mom has decided that it is my purpose in life to become an activist for cancer.)

Mom: “What are you doing tomorrow?”

Me: “I’m going to play video games with [Friend].”

Mom: “[Charity] is holding an event for cancer survivors. It sounds fun. You should go.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

(Two days later.)

Mom: “The [Cancer Charity] marathon is a few months from now. You should sign up now so you can start training.”

Me: “Mom, I hate running. I won’t do it.”

(Four days later.)

Mom: “[Friend Who Is A Teacher] said her school is looking for guest speakers for an assembly. Would you—”

Me: *interrupting* “No!”

(One day later…)

Mom: “[Children’s Cancer Charity] is hiring. Do you want to apply?”

(This is getting annoying and I come up with a plan.)

Me: “Will I get paid?”

Mom: “No, but think of all the people you can help.”

Me: “F*** THEM! I WANT MONEY!”

(She never brought the topic up again.)