Kindness On Delivery

(My boyfriend receives a package in the mail, so I go pick it up for him.)

Me: “So, what’s in this?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. Open it.”

Me: “You never let me open packages for you. Something’s up. What’s in this?”

Boyfriend: “I don’t know. I’m letting you open this out of the kindness of my heart.”

Me: “You and ‘the kindness of your heart’ don’t normally mix, Mr. Snarky Pants.”

(I go ahead and open the package, and it’s a hairdryer I wanted after my old one broke.)

Me: “Aww, love, thank you!”

Boyfriend: “Me and the kindness of my heart don’t mix my a**!”