Not A Sound Reason

(I’m lying in bed with my fiancée early in the morning. We’re both super groggy when we wake up so we tend to have weird conversations before we’re fully awake.)

Fiancée: *smacks my butt loudly* “Hmm…”

Me: “What?”

Fiancée: “It’s just- I keep trying to recreate the sound your butt makes, but I just can’t find it. Your butt’s just too perfect.”

Me: “Aww, that’s sw— Wait. How do you make a butt-smack sound, anyway?”

Fiancée: “You know. I hit a bunch of stuff like beanbags, hams, pillows, but nothing has that satisfying smack your butt makes!”

Me: “You smack hams to make a butt sound?”

Fiancée: “Yeah. Well, the closest I’ve come is the turkey you made at Thanksgiving. It kinda sounded like your butt when I smacked it.”

Me: “…”

(Needless to say, I’m keeping an eye on any meats I bring home from the supermarket from now on.)