Not A Happy Ending For This Guy

, , , , | Right | September 9, 2019

(I work for several years as the office manager of an upscale spa. Like many places that offer massage, we occasionally get phone calls from people asking — whether as a “joke” or seriously — if we provide “happy endings.” Normally, it is a matter of setting the caller straight and hanging up. Being a spa in an upscale neighborhood, we’ve never had anyone actually walk in off the street and ask that question. One afternoon, I’m in my office doing paperwork. With the door open, I can clearly hear the receptionist checking guests in and out.) 

Receptionist: “Hello, sir! I can get you checked out here. I hope you enjoyed your appointment with us today!”

Customer: *grumbles* “Not really.”

Receptionist: “Oh? I apologize if your experience wasn’t up to our standards; was there something we could have done differently?”

Customer: *mumbles something I can’t make out*

Receptionist: “I’m sorry? What was that?”

Customer: *suddenly louder and sounding very indignant* “Why didn’t she massage my d**k?!”

Receptionist: *stunned silence*

(I’m already halfway out of my seat, ready to go back her up if needed, when she recovers.)

Receptionist: “BECAUSE THAT’S ILLEGAL!”

(I walk into the lobby in time to see a red-faced, middle-aged man practically throw a handful of cash at her to pay for the massage and run out of the spa.) 

Me: “Wow.”

Receptionist: “I’m so sorry I yelled, [My Name]! He just caught me off guard.”

Me: “It’s all right, as long as you’re okay. Did he actually give you enough for the massage before he panicked and ran away?”

Receptionist: *counts the cash* “Yep, and look at that, he generously included a $40 tip for his therapist!”

(We added the $40 to his therapist’s tips for the day and made a note about the guy’s behavior in his file. He never came back.)

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