Normal Operating Procedure Has Been Tabled

(Our friend hasn’t had any supper, so we stop in a pub for something to eat. We find the ground floor full but notice there’s an upstairs dining area. We all head up there, and find a waitress at the door.)

Waitress: “This is for diners only.”

Friend: “Yeah, we’d like to eat.”

Waitress: “There’s a ten minute wait on tables.”

(We look behind her. There are 20 tables in the room. Ten of them are occupied.)

Friend: “Who are we waiting for?”

Waitress: “Pre-bookings.”

Me: “Okay… Let’s just find somewhere else.”

Waitress: “Wait. Um, I think I can squeeze you in.”

(She sits us down. We have a look at the menu, but come to a decision quickly. Unfortunately, she’s the only one there and it takes a while to get her attention.)

Friend: “Could we have a portion of chips, please?”

Waitress: “If you want chips, you have to go downstairs.”

(She storms off, while we have another look at the menu and bring her over again.)

Friend #2: “Can we have the fried chicken and chips, please?”

Waitress: “Not available.”

Friend #2: “Then we’ll need another look at the menu.”

Waitress: “Hurry up, then. This area closes in ten minutes and lots of people want this table.”

(There are now 15 empty tables.)

Friend: “That’s fine; I think we’ll go elsewhere.”

(I don’t know whether she was trying to get rid of us or if she honestly expected a big coach party to turn up in the next ten minutes.)