No Wonder Dogs Are Always Barking At These Things

I am a vacuum repairman. A customer brings his vacuum in to be fixed. Straight away I can tell I will not be able to work on this and I say so outright.

Customer: “Why not? You haven’t even looked at it.”

Me: “I’m looking at it right now, as well as smelling it. That thing is full of dog poop.”

Customer: “Of course it is! What, you think I’m going to pick that up with my hands?”

Me: “You’re not supposed to use a vacuum cleaner for… that, sir.”

Customer: “I waited until it dried out!”

Me: “Sir, this is a health hazard. We aren’t equipped to handle potentially harmful biological matter such as feces.”

Customer: “It’s just a little dog s***, what’s the problem?”

I say the next line mostly as a bluff, but one I am comfortable making:

Me: “If you took it home and cleaned out all the dog poop, then I can fix it vacuum.”

Customer: “Eww! I won’t do that! That’s gross!”

Bluff won!