No Tickey, No Watchey

(I work in the billing department for a cable company. One day I took the following call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Billing Department]. My name is [My Name]. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Hi, I need you turn my cable back on so I can watch the fight this weekend.”

Me: “Okay, if I could get your phone number, I’ll bring up your account and see what’s up.”

(I proceed to bring up his account, and notice he had been installed six months ago, and has not once paid his bill.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that we can’t turn anything back on for your account until there has been a payment made.”

Customer: “No, that’s not the agreement. I need to watch the fight this weekend. My boys are coming over.”

Me: “That’s all well and good, but you owe us over two thousand dollars for charges, pay per view, and equipment. Nothing can be done until you are up to date on payment.”

Customer: *angry* “I NEVER AGREED TO PAY YOU ANY F****** MONEY! GIVE ME MY GOD-D*** CABLE!”

Me: “Sir, you obviously don’t understand how this works. We provide a service, and in return you pay a monthly fee. This is where we’re at; nothing can be done until you pay your balance.”

Customer: “F*** YOU GUYS, THEN! I’LL JUST WATCH IT ONLINE, SO THERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?”

Me: “I think you forgot that we supply your Internet as well. It won’t be reconnected until you pay your bill.”