No Signal Getting To This Brain

(I manage at a small, family owned restaurant that has a dining area and a bar. During happy hour, the bar puts out a small chafing dish filled with complementary wings for our customers. During my shift, the bartender calls me over.)

Bartender: “The woman over there wants to talk to you. She’s asking if we have free wifi.”

(I glance over and notice a woman sitting in the corner of the bar sipping on ice water and eating a plate full of the free wings. I walk over to the woman.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am, [Bartender] tells me you had a question regarding whether we offer free wifi?”

Woman: “Yes, I think that you should offer free wifi for your customers.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am, but we don’t have free wifi for customers. You would have to bring that up with the owners.”

Woman: “That’s ridiculous. You need to give me the wifi password.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know any wifi passwords. Like I said before, this establishment doesn’t offer free wifi. We’re just a small business.”

Woman: “Well, why should I have to use my own data for two hours?! I won’t come back here if you don’t get wifi. It’s the least you could do for PAYING customers!”

(I’m getting irritated as I’m busy and this conversation is going around in circles.)

Me: “Ma’am, no offense but you’re sipping ice water and eating all the wings, both of which are free so technically you’re not a paying customer. Nor do I see how were responsible for you having to use your data plan when you’re here. We’re not forcing you to sit here for hours and browse the Internet. If it’s really that big of a deal, there’s a McDonald’s right down the road. There’s your free wifi.” *smiles sweetly*

Woman: “UGH!” *grabs her purse and plate of wings and leaves*