No Need To Get All Out Of Joint

I’m getting some X-rays on a suspected dislocated ankle.

Nurse: “Do you have anything metal implanted in your body, any pins or surgical plates, copper birth control, anything like that?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “Is there any chance you might be pregnant?”

Me: “None whatsoever.”

Nurse: “You know, one time I had someone tell me there was zero percent chance she was pregnant — she insisted on it — and it turns out she was about three months along. She swore we were making it up, but we delivered her baby about six months later.”

Me: “I wonder why she was so adamant that she couldn’t be pregnant. Was she older? Just thought the time she could get pregnant was behind her?”

Nurse: “No, she was about your age, married, and came in complaining of nausea and classic pregnancy symptoms. I was new but my first thought was, ‘Oh, she’s pregnant,’ and then I thought I shouldn’t say that in case she wasn’t. I always get annoyed when people assume I’m pregnant any time my stomach does something odd, and I didn’t want to do that to her. But now I’m always wary of people who insist they aren’t pregnant and their symptoms line up.”

Me: “Well, if it makes you feel better, I’m married to another woman, and the last surgery I had removed my uterus, so there’s definitely a zero-percent chance of me being pregnant.”

Nurse: *Laughing* “And I don’t think dislocated ankles are a pregnancy symptom.”

Me: “Man, that would be a sucky way to find out you’re pregnant. Congrats on the news! Sorry about your ankle…”